When most people hear that the characters”BDSM,” we believe about Rihanna singing about whips and chains or Fifty Shades’ Christian Grey saying”Laters, infant,” right?

“BDSM could be broken up into three subcategories: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism,” Jean tells Elite Daily. “This really is the total umbrella where many kinks fall. It may contain all components or just one. BDSM holds no room for judgment”

Now, if words like”entry,””sadism,” or”masochism” are new to you, I totally get it.

According to Jean, “sexual intercourse” refers to the period of time partners spend together after an intense sexual experience.

“When folks hear BDSM, they have a tendency to connect it with overall sadism,” says Jean. “BDSM can, in reality, be candy, satisfying, and imaginative. What’s lost is your comprehension, effort, and responsibility which come having a Dominant and also the control and vulnerability which accompanies being a submissive person.”

“Physical abuse has been a consequence that’s undesirable and nonconsensual, not only painful,” Jean says. The basis of a Sub-Dom relationship is fulfilling your partner’s needs, providing them pleasure, and constantly communicating to ensure you’re doing both well. It’s yet another reason why aftercare can be so critical. Not only is it imperative that all partners feel safe and cared for, but everyone must also have a deep understanding of the other’s boundaries, comfort levels, and sexual interests.

“you wish to speak with your spouse (s) until you draw any BDSM to the sack,” sex expert and Booty Parlor founder Dana Myers told Bustle. “Discuss who is likely to perform with the Dominant and Submissive functions, and also be cautious about what you are eager to attempt and what is just too much outside your comfort zone. Possessing this conversation can fortify your communication, construct familiarity, and generate a powerful sense of confidence so you can give up your inhibitions and research some kinkier sex perform smoothly and safely on your connection.”

2. Dominance and submission are about trust.

Contrary to popular belief, the Submissive is never truly out of control.

“Many men and women presume that a Dominant creates orders and demands constantly,” says Jean. “Yes, this could happen when the connection was created and there is comprehension inside the energetic. [But] there’s a big part of trust that has to be constructed inside a connection using an energy dynamic. When’forced’ to get anything, it ought to be about the Submissive’s free will. There should always be an outside, leave, or words that are safe out there.”

BDSM is all about placing your trust in another person. Submissives often take on the role of surrendering control to their Dominant. That said, in a healthy BDSM relationship, Subs will ultimately decide when to start and stop. Carefully selected mechanisms, like safe words, provide the Submissive with control and agency.

“A protected word is a term picked by sexual partners collectively who if employed signals one spouse would love to pause sexual action for virtually any motive,” McKenna Maness, sex educator and former education and prevention coordinator at The Santa Cruz AIDS Project (SCAP), previously told Elite Daily. “Perhaps sex got too extreme, or the spouse is uncomfortable or at more pain than they’d love to become roleplaying crossed into something much less desirable for this individual, they are overstimulated — at one of these scenarios, the spouse who’d love to cease can state their protected word and another spouse would be aware it is time to cease instantly and check.”

3. Consent is crucial.

One of the greatest challenges the BDSM community continues to face is misrepresentation in films and on television. While BDSM is largely associated with whips, chains, and leather ensembles, there are plenty of ways to ease into kink.

“I highly suggest starting with filthy talk or sexting before doing anything at a sexual environment,” says Jean. “You might not understand how you are going to respond to a specific scenario or term from the warmth of this moment. Better to not leave it to opportunity and use this opportunity to check the waters [also ] determine your preferences.”

Additionally, BDSM is about pushing your limits, not passing them. In all forms of sexual activity, your comfort, consent, and pleasure are crucial. “What are the aims for all you within this BDSM relationship. Might it be habitual? Are you aware of each other’s borders and goals? Perhaps you have communicated your preferences before and after scenes or play?” Advises Jean. “There are lots of facets to think about before you dip into an energy dynamic connection. The controller, lack of management, may be intoxicating, but it has responsibility.”

As always, active consent is the key ingredient in participating in any type of sexual activity. Before getting down to it, openly discuss boundaries and intentions with your partner(s). “All BDSM relies on this particular very important notion of approval . Skipping the approval discussion means that you risk doing substantial harm to other people as well as themselves,” sensual trainer and sex teacher Dawn Serra informed Bustle.

Whether you are thinking about researching kink, dipping a toe into the world of BDSM for your very first time, or possess a go-to secure phrase, entering the world of pleasure and pain could be both healthy and sexy. So long as all partners are on precisely the exact same page, and prepared and ready to supply their active approval, there is nothing wrong with experimentation as a Sub or a Dom.